So, I went to the Big Day Out. I'm not proud of myself, but the promise of seeing the Flaming Lips AND Peaches AND The Darkness was too great to refuse.
Over the day, I made notes in a filthy lined pad that I picked up from the newsagent on the way. I'm sure you can imagine just how well I integrated with the Alternative Nation by sitting on the floor in a TISM shirt, scribbling frantically as I became more and more unhinged by the heat.
Because, that is what happened. As the sun beat down on the heads of the 40 or 50 thousand attendees, my brain became to slowly snap in two, and my writing became gradually more deranged. To open Metal City, I have decided to share my brain-damaged rantings from the day with the world, hopefully to illustrate just how awful these big rock festivals are, and as a counterpoint to the polished article which will materialise elsewhere on the site.
So - please - enjoy a little piece I call:
"The Combined Effect Of Heatstroke And Rock - A sweltering journey into the nightmare that is the Australian travelling rock festival".
*Note - All of these entries are transcribed, with errors, from my longhand notes, which were taken lying on my back on the floor of the stinky carpet bar at the Melbourne showgrounds. They make less and less sense as the day goes on.
Young guys - The Darkness, Mars Volta
Overcast - might rain.
Aggression, skull imagery everywhere.
A girl - "Yes! THE SPAZZYS!"
Relaxed, but pregnant with violence.
Retro vibe - Poison shirts, Dead Kennedys, AC/DC, Nirvana
Attempts to sell people stuff.
"No Crowd Surfing".
The Spazzys -
Green stage empty.
Spazzys are fondling equipment.
Guards are relaxed but banded together, with headphones and security passes.
Kids holding hands - first big rock show?
"Making notes already?"
Communal showing off - lots of "nothing fazes me" going on.
Obligatory punks - red, green, purple hair, one in a mohawk.
One girl - "You fucking ROCK!"
First Metallica shirt spotted @ 11:08am.
Spazzys stage playing free jazz.
Throng of Metallica fans.
For the older people, lots of celtic imagery.
"Kill 'Em All" shirt - album released before these kids were born.
Teenages one-upping each other.
Water spitting - he'll regret THAT later.
Posing for a photo - up on shoulders, with lots of devil signs.
Security tells me to fuck off when I ask if they think it is gonna get rough. Big, nasty tattooed dudes - type I went to school with. These fuckers loved pushing people around so much that they turned it into a career. They're standing around attempting to look important. Wankers.